Today President Obama will address school children to, oh, hell, tell them to study or something. It's all really just a chance for him to present his mug to a camera. I had planned to write something about declaring Godwin's Law to be dead. It's the adage which states that if you call something Nazi in a dispute you lose. Events overtook Godwin's Law. After all, if there were Hitlerjugend there can be Obamajugend and both of them give electrifying speeches. I know, I know. They both breathe, or breathed, too.

But the remarks posted on the White House Website are not menacing. They are not as bad as asking you to inform on your neighbors by questioning Obamacare. They are merely utterly gaseous and banal, and more proof that this man is a completely empty suit, the product of preferential treatment who has only prettied his way up to the top and is of no substance.

I have a friend Karen who did a brilliant job of flensing this pot-o-crap:

The President: Hello everyone - how's everybody doing today? (Will he pause so everyone can chorus, "Great, Mr. President!") I'm here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we've got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I'm glad you all could join us today.

This reminds me of the end of every episode of Barney the Dinosaur, where he says, "Hello again, to all my friends! I'm glad you came to play. Our fun and learning never end. Let's see what we did today!"

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it's your first day in a new school, so it's understandable if you're a little nervous.

What strange new feelings you're having, and you must be so self-conscious about them! I'll bet each and every one of you feels like a dweeb!

Most middle and high school students would find this unbearably patronizing. Reminds me of those embarrassing old lectures about puberty: "Don't be alarmed if you wake up one morning (boys) or go to the bathroom (girls) to find . . ."

When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn't have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday - at 4:30 in the morning.

Oh my Lenin, she HOMESCHOOLED him? Why didn't she send him to the local public school, and demand bilingual teachers and programs to accommodate him?

Now I wasn't too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I'd fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I'd complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."

I'd much rather listen to Bill Cosby's father ranting about how when he was a boy, he had to walk to school every day for 12 miles in a blinding snowstorm--oh, and it was uphill both ways.

So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I'm here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I'm here because I want to talk with you about your education and what's expected of all of you in this new school year.

And I've talked a lot about responsibility.
I've talked about your teachers' responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.
I've talked about your parents' responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don't spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.
I've talked a lot about your government's responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren't working where students aren't getting the opportunities they deserve.

He talks a lot.

Every single one of you has something you're good at. Every single one of you has something to offer.

I know a lot of kids who are good at blowing milk through their noses. Burping is another. What are YOU good at? Write a letter to yourself about what you're good at.

And no matter what you want to do with your life - I guarantee that you'll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You're going to need a good education for every single one of those careers.

Not for the military! Just ask John Kerry.

I get it. I know what that's like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn't always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn't fit in.

Here we go again, me me me.

So I wasn't always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I'm not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse.

At long last, it gets slightly interesting. I would've loved to hear him elaborate on that.

But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn't have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.

Affirmative action helped, I'm sure.

Some of you might not have those advantages.

Like those of you not born into some government designated victim group.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life - what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you've got going on at home - that's no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That's no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That's no excuse for not trying.

Darn tootin' that's no excuse. That's what Republicans are for, because they're the ones who cause all that.

Where you are right now doesn't have to determine where you'll end up. No one's written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.

And if you don't believe that, just check out Doc Brown's little speech to Marty McFly at the end of Back to the Future Part III. He says the same thing nearly word for word. Who wrote Obama's speech--Joe Biden?

If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

But if you vote Republican, that DOES mean you're stupid.

And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you - don't ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

Of course, the Left never applied this advice to the troops in Iraq during the Bush years. Quite the contrary.

The story of America isn't about people who quit when things got tough. It's about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best.

Oh, you mean like people who were reviled for "staying the course"? People who don't cut and run and call for an immediate pullout the minute things become so difficult it looks as if there's no way out? You mean those kind of people? Because I don't know what other kind of people you mean.

Your families, your teachers, and I (don't forget me, your president--remember, I WON!) are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I'm working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you've got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don't let us down - don't let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Now everyone stand up and chant, "YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN! HEIL OBAMA!"

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

Wait a minute! He can't say that in a speech to public schools, can he? Isn't that a direct violation of the Constitution that specifically mandates a separation of church and state?

Otherwise, snoozers! At least the original speech would've grabbed my attention and held it, if not for the reasons he intended.